Hope in the Face of Death

Stairway to heave, made out of clouds. The Bible verse from Psalm 39:7 ESV, "“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you."
by Beeda Speis for Peace in the Stillness blog

Hope in the Face of Death: About a month before my husband, Kenny died from colon cancer, we suspected the cancer had spread to his brain. He imagined all sorts of things and was disoriented at times.

I left him home alone one Saturday while I went to work. I got a phone call from an EMT saying my husband had called them, but they didn’t know what was wrong. So, I said to take him to the hospital. The doctor was the one who figured the cancer spread.

Later, when we got home and he seemed a little more lucid, I asked him why he called the EMT. He said he dropped his anxiety pill in his water glass and didn’t know what else to do.
He went downhill from there. Throughout our 25-year marriage, we rarely spoke about religion, beliefs, etc. I had turned my back on God, and my husband seemed a little bitter about having to go to church as a child may be because his older brother and parents didn’t go. I didn’t know if he was saved or not, but he spent a lot of time during those last few months praying and talking about God.

I did a lot of research over the next few weeks about dying, the process, and what the person goes through. I read the changes that take place in the body, and sometimes the mind. I also read about what the spiritual process was. There comes a time when the person seems to have one foot in this world, and one foot in the next. He told me he had a nice visit each day with different people. The problem was that all of those people had passed away years before.

The word was “hope”

Finally, it got to where he could only say one word. And that word was “hope.” He just kept repeating it for days. I never got to find out what he meant by it, but I made up some explanations for myself. I believe he was hoping he’d go to Heaven. He was hoping I would find someone else. He was hoping I could forgive him for the way he treated me. He was hoping he wouldn’t die an excruciatingly painful death. I know all of these things were on his mind. What I didn’t know was where he would end up for eternity.

Then, I heard of another man dying who definitely was not saved. What he went through up until his death was anything but peaceful and so, I was pretty certain that I would meet Kenny again, one day, in Heaven. I wrote an epic (as in long) poem about it which I’ll share tomorrow if I can find it.

I can’t tell you how often I think of those last days with him just saying “hope, hope, hope.” It was as if he thought he was saying sentences but that was the only word that came out.

Bible Verse of the Day

“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.
Psalm 39:7 ESV


Father, we praise You for Your mercy and grace. Even those who do not bear visible fruit are able to delight in Your love because they repent and believe. Lord, I pray that Your children will bear much fruit, especially during these difficult and unusual times we’re living in. Lord, I pray that everyone who seeks You will be encouraged by members of the Church to find You. We know it’s Your will that none should perish, so we petition You Lord to draw the multitudes to You.
Lord, we continue to pray for the rescue of the Ukrainians from war. Please help them, Lord.
We also ask that You saturate the country of Morocco with laborers. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.

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